a very cynical letter to my past self

You know that kid.

The one who minds their own business, but will do anything to help a stranger.

The one who stays quiet, nodding along with whatever is said. 

The one who knows that mistakes are how you learn, but fears the rejection that mistakes will bring. Silence is safety, and in that safety they choose to remain.

Tell them,

You who were taught to give, and not to take. To listen, and not to object. To appear when needed, and cease to exist otherwise:

There will come a day when you are left behind. When you see that the path you walk leads nowhere. When you must realize that the world is not your friend. 

To treat it as such is a fatal misunderstanding. This world leaves no place for those who doubt themselves. It will not thank you for being inoffensive. When you hesitate, it will not wait. 

You cannot care too freely in a world that doesn’t care about you. Time and effort are precious and limited. Learn when they are valued—when they are not, give sparingly. Choose carefully and intentionally the people and causes that you care about.

You cannot remain silent in a world that will drown you out without a second thought. There is no valor in silence. Failure and conflict are natural and necessary. Learn to fight, and fight to be heard—one mistake at a time. 

You cannot yield in a world that will trample you without a backward glance. There is no prize for courtesy. Accept defeat when it comes, but neither hesitate nor apologize for taking what you've earned.

And when you find nothing else, let spite move you forward. Spite against those who—without hesitation—know how to trample, how to take, how to cast aside. Those who wield the ignorance necessary to thrive. For which learned, careful callousness can be your only substitute.

Know that this anger is wrong. It is misguided and unfair. But there is no fairness in survival.

Live for nobody until you've learned to live for yourself.